Visibility and Courage

I offended someone today. I invited a person to take part in the launch group I’ve put up for the week, because I wanted to call on the support of friends. 

At first (Sunday) I had invited like 10 people. Then I put an event up to share on my Facebook page, and then I took it down, because my anxious brain said, “Bets, no one wants to hear about this, you’re bothering everyone.”

Then I talked to my friend who’s put this brilliant opportunity in my lap, and she said that a lot of us feel like that when we start. That it’s important to share despite the fear, because there are people in our very circles who will be helped by what we have, people who will have their lives changed by the opportunity I was lucky enough to access myself. I felt tons better. I spoke with several people, trying to make sure everyone knew that it wasn’t about sales, it’s about sharing what I’m excited about, and telling friends and loved ones what I was up to. It was going well!

I started to get braver. 

I invited more people to my group. 

I’m watching zero participation, no likes, no comments, but no big deal, right? It’ll come. Be patient I told myself. There’s only 12 people.

I became a little more bold. 

I invited more people.

Then the thing I feared happened. I got a message from someone I’d bothered because I invited them to a short-term group that they weren’t interested in. I apologized for the inconvenience, thanked them for their time, wished them Happy Holidays. 

It was fine. Someone didn’t like that I’d invited them, and they told me, I said sorry, cool. All done. I didn’t die.

But they had more to say. That I’m hurting my business because I’m not relating to people. That I’m not building rapport, that people don’t trust me or like me. That they’re a business coach, y’know.

Thank you. I appreciate your advice. Consider me educated.

But don’t be afraid to share your excitement and your products.

Okay, thanks.

You wouldn’t hold back if it was a show or a movie you liked, you’d tell people!

Yeah, that’s true. Thank you.

What matters most is YOU enjoy it and share that spark of joy with them! Emoji heart.

They weren’t exactly wrong. My first instinct is to reassure you that I do know how to make relationships, that I can build rapport with my people. That was right. And I want to defend that I made a group. But I don’t need to do that. In the long run, this is going to be one of many choices I make to reach out to others. Am I bad for an impersonal invite? No. Is that the relationship building part? Also no. Should I defend that I intended to help others see how it was about them once I got them in the group? Don’t need to defend any of it.

Should I still reach out?

100%.

SO. What I’ve learned today is that no matter how you cover your bases, excuse your enthusiasm, or apologize for existing, not everyone is going to be excited to hear what you have to say. And some of those people will tell you. And some of THOSE people will be well-meaning, yet patronizing when they do. It may not feel good. But it doesn’t mean that you should quit. You will not die. No one is going to hate you. And honestly, fuck ‘em if they get that serious about it. These are not our people. 

In the end, I didn’t delete the group, even though I hit a shame spiral because of one (patronizing) set of comments. I’m not proud of that, but in the interest of honesty and vulnerability, there it is. We’re all working on our stuff. If we’re lucky, we’re working on it all of the time, because we want to become more true and more conscious every day. 

I’m still at an impasse with myself about promoting my coaching and my new endeavor. I’ve been practicing my visibility online for weeks. Having courage. But still, worrying that someone will be offended or annoyed that they’ve seen my name and face yet again, or that people I care for will think that I’m only interested in promoting my stuff.

But you know, these are also not our people. 

We can’t live in fear of what other people will think and say our whole lives. People will take care of themselves, or learn to. So you take care of you, share what you’re excited about, and never give anyone permission to make you feel like less.

And at the very least, come tell me about it, because I want to support you, and I know that you’re pure of heart.