I lost faith in myself as an effective and functional person. I lost love, and gave up on trying to make that work. I CHOSE not to stay in my job, because while I knew I was close to what I wanted to do with my life, I was miserable. That wasn't how I wanted to serve people, inspire, support people. I stayed in an unemployed and deeply ashamed holding pattern for 5 years.
It was as if I'd ghosted myself. I didn't show up for me.
I just didn't show up.